Torrey KurtznerinThe HavenThe Twerk-Off Before Christmas’Twas the night before Christmas, when at the North Pole, a twerk-off was brewing between two iconic soulsDec 18, 2022Dec 18, 2022
Torrey KurtznerinDoctor FunnyForbidden Love and Frosted TipsAn eccentric chef. A washed-up pop star. Both men were hungry for love. It was only a matter of time before their frosted tips ignited the…Oct 11, 20225Oct 11, 20225
Torrey KurtznerinThe HavenI’m Your Two-Year-Old Nephew, and I’ve Come Here to Fuck Up Your ShitDo you have an expensive piece of technology I could vomit on? Preferably something that’s not insured?Jul 30, 2021Jul 30, 2021
Torrey KurtznerinThe HavenIdentifying the Presidential Qualifications and Political Values of Each TeletubbyThe following political analysis was constructed after watching over twenty hours of Teletubbies contentMay 27, 20211May 27, 20211
Torrey KurtznerinThe HavenI’m the Year 2021, and I’m Begging You to Keep Your Expectations in CheckFolks, try to remember that I’m just a measurement of time. I can’t solve your problems.Feb 8, 20211Feb 8, 20211
Torrey KurtznerinThe HavenYou’d Better Watch OutAs COVID cases continue to spiral out of control, UN secretary-general Guterres urges world leaders to cancel Christmas. Despite this, a…Dec 14, 2020Dec 14, 2020
